UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH.
so first i just want to get out there that if the school i’m going to is just as awesome as they have been from the moment i made contact with them, then i am going to be super happy there and i want to hug all of them. they are just so on top of shit that i just fucking realized today that while all other aspects of my life are sometimes shitty, stressful, always complicated and lately, yes, so full of ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME that most shit just doesn’t even register anymore (and i sincerely blame where i live for that)… i totally forget how uncomplicated they make my life until i think about how i DON’T HAVE TO think about that shit. They’ve got it. They’re wonderful.
Yeah. So after like four fucking goddamn years of move with me move with me, my best friend is moving back home. fuck her. we’re going to trade places and i’m not going to talk to her much anymore since she’ll be busy with her fucking baby with no father ever. seriously. let’s move and drop out of school a second time and then sleep with people for money for a while and then work at mcd’s and then get pregnant. no, i don’t hate you, but i wish i could tell you how fucking retarded you are. not that i need to, because i’m 100% sure you know, and i don’t actually want to rub it in your face or anything, because that’s mean and i still care enough about you to not be mean. but seriously. fucking retarded.
at least i’ll have another not so retarded friend that i can bond with there. so still not alone. wooooooo.
although at this point, i’d rather be alone. fuck everyone. everyone’s so full of retarded and bad decision making and not committing and not being on my level at all that i think if i just move and go to school and work and go home and not talk to anyone and just dick around and do my shit and ignore all the assholes, which is everyone…. yeah, that would be awesome.
i wish i didn’t have to work so damn much. i really won’t be able to touch my dishes until like monday, or maybe i will stay up one night and be ridiculous and clean. i might actually do that. i stayed up most of this night. i’ll sleep in until i have to work on saturday, but maybe when i come home, i don’t think i have plans saturday night.
i fucking slept all day today because i drank last night and i already feel like shit, so yeah, this whole you’re moving home thing totally doesn’t help.
maybe i kind of do hate you. is it like you gave me an out by texting “you’re going to hate me” before telling me things that make me hate you? or is it still not cool that i think i kind of hate you? i don’t really think it’s hate. just a strong form of HOW FUCKING DUMB ARE YOU AND NOW YOU HAVE TO COME BACK TO THIS FUCKING GARBAGE SINKHOLE ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW.
yeah. i have stuff i could say about the boy but it’s all the same shit so please refer to my previous post and let me reiterate the FUCK IT.
i was just thinking how i swear a lot on this thing and then i was like I HOPE THEY’RE READY FOR MORE BECAUSE GOD FUCKING DAMN IT.
so i guess it’s time to plan out my budget for living all by myself, no money for weed, no time for people, stressing the fuck out and working on crazy ass projects the whole time, back and forth between school and work and sleeping and eating.
it better not suck balls to be an interior designer. i mean, i don’t think it will, but it just better not. i better be able to find a fucking job.
OH YEAH. THAT WAS THE OTHER THING THAT WAS PISSING ME OFF.
the one friend i will have in bc is dating the president of some company. it’s literally fucking mind-blowing especially when you’re used to living above the poverty line and having a job since the day you could, but seriously, she gets spoiled with dinners and trips and etc etc. now, i’m clearly not a gold digger, and i don’t think even being bitter (i don’t even think i’m that bitter because my friend is super sweet and nice and cute and she deserves every dime this guy’s gonna drop on her) will change that and make me a gold digger. but still. i don’t need trips and shit, but when i compare things like this to people i’ve dated in the past, oh, let’s see, we have…. pretty much everyone was unemployed, there was teh ex who was randomly employed but is going nowhere, and oh yes, more unemployed and more going nowhere. or student and broke (but so far in the past that it wasn’t like yay you’re in school it was like well of course you’re in school). SO YEAH. i’ve pretty much been the breadwinner of EVERY SINGLE PAIRING i’ve ever been in (or at least equal), and i’ve pretty much accepted the fact that as long as i keep doing my shit i will pretty much be the breadwinner of EVERY SINGLE FUTURE PAIRING. and it’s like, but, why can’t i find someone who is nice AND has money????? everyone else seems to be doing it!!! like seriously!!! i can’t even find fucking nice people who are broke half the time. the people i like now who are broke still make me all sad sometimes with their can’t commit and can’t come with me and i’m moving away. GAH.
i just need to get the fuck out of here. i think that’ s really what’s going on.
